...but barely! I'm here, and I'm still fat. What matters is that I'm here. It's been a long time since I've posted anything, so I thought I might fire up my keyboard this afternoon and get back into the swing of things.
Not much has changed. I am a creature of habit and comfort, so this is no suprise. I had a decent spring, losing about 20 more pounds, and getting really close to being down 40, but in true Skinny Girl fashion I ate most of it back on over the summer and into the fall. I'm reverting back to my old food lover tricks, and it's making me mental. Physically I feel like crapola, which in turn makes me feel like crapola mentally. In my defence (can't believe I'm even defending myself) I do have some sort of mystery stomach issue that is slowly killing me (ok, that's a little bit dramatic, but I'mma go with it). I've been through some testing, and I'm waiting to see a specialist, so hopefully within the next few months we can get to the bottom of it. In the meantime, my doctor wants me to try either a gluten-free diet, or an elimination diet. You'd think I'd be psyched for this. Actual instruction from a medical professional, telling me to change my ways. Have I done it? No. Why? Because as previously mentioned, wallowing in self-pity is my thing. Oh, and I fucking love food. That too. My food addiction is going strong. I wake up with good intentions every single day, but inevitably my love of food takes over. It should be easy to remedy - just don't buy junk food, right? Wrong. I can bake. Also, it's not always sweets. It's food in general. I can stog my fridge with yogurt and carrot sticks and I'll still find myself something shitty to eat. I am really, really, really creative.
Anyway, I'm back to it. Accountability is the word of the day. I'm vowing to go back to the gym, and vowing to eat properly. I begin and end every day with those same thoughts. Some day it will happen, right?
